well its been a while and quite a bit has happened. so lets start at the top...

the Aiden* situation has come to the finale of finales. first off, i've decided that Aiden* was not actually my Aiden*. he is my Berger*. so from this point on he will be referenced to as Berger*(once again sex and the city fans will understand the reference). a few days ago i was leaving my dorm to go to class at about 8:45 in the morning. i got on the elevator and it went down one floor and stopped. (Berger* lives on the floor below me) the doors opened and there he was. i made a face at him but said nothing, only for about 5 seconds later from the other side of the doorway in walks Brittany*. yep, Bergers* girlfriend. a million things ran through my mind to say. i could've made a smart remark to him, like 'oh glad to see you've found time in your busy schedule?' or anything else to make me seem like a bitch but i didn't say anything. at first he was just standing in front of her but then more people needed to get on, and since i felt like being somewhat of a bitch i stayed exactly where i was standing in the center. now forcing Berger* to stand on the other side of me. and for the first time that he's seen me, he made no attempt to say hi or anything. he talked to the other guy in the elevator but that was it. elevator got to the bottom floor and we went our separate ways. truthfully, it didn't bother me as much as i thought it would. i thought if i was ever put into the run into Berger* and Brittany* situation i'd feel like i was going to die. but no. i felt nothing. i've made myself numb to the situation and him. i've just gotta try to move onto someone who can make me feel again.

as for feeling i've kinda started talking to two other guys. there's Joe* and Mike*. Mike* approached me the other day at school. i'd seen him around and one day when i was waiting for my class to start he yelled something about texting him sometime and i yelled that i didn't have his number and he said one day that'll have to change. so this week we exchanged numbers and hung out a few times. i'm not really into him. he's chill but i'm just not into it. then there's Joe*. he knows some of my friends and he's cool. sometimes i feel like we click and other times i think i'm just wasting his time. i kinda just wanna stop talking to them both and just leave guys alone and clear my mind but interestingly enough the one person who has been on my mind is Spencer*. But I'll tell you about that later...

aside from the boys, i've decided that i'm 110% going to try to transfer to another school. i'm not happy where i am and i'd rather be somewhere i'm happy and can dual major in psychology and film & media arts. i might be able to get in for fall, pretty much by a miracle, or i'll just have to bust my ass and try to get in for spring.we'll see. here's hoping for things to change. all for the better.

well this week i sort of half crossed the final bridge in the Aiden* situation. i saw him twice this week. i say only half crossed cuz it's not like we were face to face or walking towards each other or anything. the first time was wedsnesday. i heard him talking on the phone as i was heading towards the door to leave the building after class. he was standing right next to the door, on the phone. i saw him as i was about to come down the stairs to head out. i felt my heart drop. but it didn't break this time and for once the thought of Aiden* and his lies, Brittany* and everything didn't make me want to cry. i acted like i didn't notice it was him and pretended to look for music on my ipod as i walked by. as soon as i got right behind him, he turned and noticed it was me. he grabbed at my backpack as i walked out the door and when i got on the other side i turned to see him kinda wave over his shoulder. i kept walking. i saw him again today. he was walking down the street in my direction while i was waiting to across. when the street was clear and i looked to make sure i could cross i saw him. once again, i pretended to look for music on my ipod and walked across the street into the building i was headed too. a part of me wanted to believe that he'd follow me. a deeper part of me didn't want him too and knew he wouldn't. the deeper part was right. i've yet to be put in the crossing of paths where we have to speak. truthfully, i'm going to avoid it at all costs. cuz i don't know how i'll react having to look Aiden* right in the face. so as long as i can aviod it and him, i can aviod caring. i have to play like a ni*ga so i won't get hurt like a bi*ch, ever again.

on another note, my catalogs for both film schools (NYFA and LAFS) came in the mail. i'm deciding wethner or not i'm going to take fim classes this summer since my school doesn't really have any. i've always been interested in film, so i'm thinking about giving it a shot. i'm also thinking about taking summer classes at school because i wanna get ahead in some of my credits but i'm not really feeling the whole school in the summer thing.

i've also realized that hulu.com is a good site. it would be even better if they kept all the episodes from shows on there. i've been watching family guy, house, the simpsons and lie to me in my spare time for the past few days in my breaks between classes. it works out pretty well.

well, its offical..or at least according to facebook, as of last night Aiden* was offically in a relationship (i'm assuming with Brittany*). it hurt like hell. i cried. i felt my heartbreak once again. my friends, of course, just say that he's an ass. but the best thing i did today was talk to the person who i technically met Aiden* through. Allen* was the friend who knew Aiden* before i did, so it felt good to talk to him. he had told me when i first began talking to Aiden* that he wasn't quite as he seemed but i didn't listen. i should've known that he wouldn't steer me wrong but at that point Aiden* was still mr. perfect. we talked today about it. he told me about how Aiden* always seemed to be different at first and then he changed. it felt good to talk to someone who knew Aiden*, rather than just my friends who could just call him a ass. today, i decided to cut all ties. facebook, myspace, phone numbers...the whole nine. that's basically the only way i'll be able to deal. i know i still run the chance of running into Aiden* at school but we'll cross that bridge when it comes. but today while just chillin with my friends and talking about possible summer plans i realized that i already know some pretty awesome people. and hopefully, sometime in the near future...or maybe not so near, i'll find someone for me. who's just them. not fake. not a liar. not an asshole. so as stated in the 'Luck Be An Old Lady' episode of Sex And The City, i'm pulling my highest bid off the table...my heart. and once again, it may take me awhile to ever put it back down.

on a lighter note, i think i'm going to get tattoo number two tomorrow. maybe. maybe not. i haven't quite decided. i'm gonna sleep on it. get up. run some errands. and see how things turn out. i might just go shopping. retail therapy is truly a good thing.

also, i'm very happy that Quest Crew won season 3 of ABDC. i mean, i didn't vote but i wanted them to win.